BOOK REVIEW: Notes on Surviving the Fire by Christine Murphy
- Feb 9
- 3 min read
TW: Rape, Drug use, suicide, animal death
Sarah Common is a PhD candidate in Southern California. She spends her time teaching, working on the dissertation her mentor may never approve, getting high with her best friend (and anchor) Nathan, and obsessing over the man who raped her two years ago. It doesn't help that her rapist is in the same program as her.
The only thing keeping her remotely grounded is her relationship with Nathan. He's the only one who believes her, and he's the only one who has taken care of her since that terrible night two years ago.
Then, to her horror, she finds Nathan dead from an overdose of a drug he never used. Suddenly, she is adrift.
When she tells the police she suspects foul play, they treat her much the way she was treated after her assault. To make matters worse, one of the detectives investigating Nathan's death is the same one who took her statement following her assault. He didn't believe her then, and he doesn't believe her now.
As Sarah festers in grief, anger, and suspicion, she begins to connect the dots and finds maybe she isn't as crazy as everyone is trying to make her believe she is.
Set against the backdrop of Southern California, this story has a lot going on. The region is literally on fire. Ash falls like snow over the area, reminding everyone that danger isn't too far away. In addition to the literal fire, there is a figurative one in a pedestrian tunnel on campus, where names of students and faculty who've committed suicide are written. When Nathan dies, Sarah adds his name to the wall, realizing there are already 36 names on the wall and they haven't even been in session ten weeks. She doesn't know it yet, but the wall and the names it memorializes will bring everything into focus and might just put her in a certain kind of danger.
I started reading this book in mid-January. Apparently, I've been flirting with another reading slump. It could also be the subject matter. Reading about sexual abuse and assault is tough, so I found myself putting this book down for days, not because it's bad but because it's hard.
One of the most affecting things about this book is how Sarah deals with the aftermath of her assault. She goes to therapy every Friday at four, but no one in the group is getting the help they need. It's more a performative group, something the college offers because its Title IX funding depends on it. Meanwhile, Sarah and the other survivors are forced to carry their pain and shame while their rapists are able to walk around with their heads held high, free to do it all over again to another unsuspecting woman. Sarah was able to mostly hold it together when she had Nathan. He was her rock, someone she could always count on to know what to do to help her through those really tough times. But what she believed was help was actually Nathan enabling her. She hasn't even begun to deal with her assault.
She doesn't drive after dark.
She doesn't form romantic relationships with men.
She sits outside her rapist's house.
She calls her apartment a "box".
She spends a lot of time thinking about how to kill and dress an animal, with the animal being Rapist and his friend Flopsy.
Reading the Acknowledgements, I think I understand this story more. The rage and anger, the desire for revenge, because the world at large rarely holds men like Rapist accountable. It's about what people take from us; physically, intellectually. It's about betrayal, not only at college parties but in past actions, and outside a gated community in imminent danger of being consumed by wildfire. It's rage well done and a narrative that makes you ask questions.
There's a lot to think about with this story. If very hard topics and sometimes-gross imagery doesn't scare you away from a book, I recommend giving Notes on Surviving the Fire a try.
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